kids say the darndest things: expletive edition

i picked max up from school yesterday and noticed a little tension between him, his teacher, and his classmates. they had trauma in their eyes. my first assumption was that someone had either had a bathroom accident on the reading rug or an upset stomach at the pencil sharpener. either way, these people had seen something.
 max walked up to me with his head hung and told me he had gotten "grounded" at school. 2 minutes on the wall at recess (or roughly 6 months in the state pen to a 6 year old).
now, max can be the orneriest of boys but he is also sneaky...and prides himself on rarely to never getting caught with his hands dirty. i couldn't imagine what he had done to get "grounded".
"i said sh#t." he told me.
just like that. so matter of fact.
"ship. sh#t. they rhyme." he says...

words can't describe the shock a mama gets when such a sharp word hits those tiny little lips. i'm not much for swearing, myself. it's not my style. but i had no idea max even knew about this word! he's tried on "damn" a time or two when he was younger and heard it on teenage mutant ninja turtles, and that was shocking enough. especially when he used it correctly in a sentence. but this! this was beyond me...
we had a talk in the car and max told me he learned it from his daddy this weekend. max decided to use this new word as collateral with his friends to get their approval and extra computer time.
 i called max's dad (jesse) to let him know what happened. he said things unraveled a little like this...
max: "daddy, i know a bad word...it starts with a ssshhhhhh"
(and they both chime in simultaneously)
jesse: " sh#t!?"
max: "shut up"
jesse: "wait...you meant shut up?"
max: "what does sh#t mean?"
jesse: palm to head

jesse tried to clear up the mistake by explaining to max that it was an adult word, and not a very nice one. they had a "never use it or you'll get in trouble" kind of conversation. and jesse thought he was safe.
but now max was burdened with a secret. adults have words that little ones aren't allowed say, let alone know about. he had to get this conspiracy out.
and he unloaded on the innocent ears of his kindergarten class. 

max is "grounded" for 2 more minutes during recess today. he told me last night he wanted to look into going to a different kindergarten for the rest of the year. i told him to go in with his head high, take your punishment, count to 120, and move on with your life. be a better man!
reformation is already taking place. but you can see this hard-knock life experience in his sad little eyes. and really i don't know how any of us can come back after "sh#t".


  1. Nice. I probably should have avoided the F-bomb the other night in front of my very perceptive 3 year old, but when you drive a toothpick right into your baby toe so hard you have to actually yank it back out, things happen.

  2. Oh, sweet Max! It sounds like you handled/are handling the situation beautifully.

  3. Oh man, that's pretty wild! I have certainly heard some cursing on the playground before... and most of the time the rest of the kids are oblivious. But they get super bent out of shape when someone says "shut up."

  4. Hahaha Shameless! God love you for lasting this long before he learned a bad word! Silly bad words. So pointless to make them up and name them, "bad." Everyn still thinks the "F-word," is pronounced, "fOck." Yes, fock. I dare correct him.

  5. Well.

    You're a really good Mama, so there's always that.

    Blasted wall.

  6. Fantastic story. Wow. And you handled it so well. You are a good mama to your boy, my friend. ♥

  7. 2 whole minutes on the wall?! aaww man. you show those kids how to handle it like a champ, max. you'll be a stronger and better little man after this.

  8. That's exactly how I learned the "f" word in 4th grade. I told my dad that our sister had said the "f" word (fart)... his eyes got big and he said... well... you know... the other word. I was like umm... I'm not sure what that is, but she said fart.

    I guess he has a cute little story now that you can tell his girlfriend one day! ;)

  9. oh please! Why are you so puritan, sh#t? Really? The oral language is so complete and the insults are a part of it. Why do you want to put your son into a bubble? That´s real life. I am agree that he is so young to talk always like that, but i don´t understand the scandal that the teacher make with this insignificant fact. This attitud is so absurd, it will be better that you adult people don´t do a big deal about it. You are wearing tatoos, the kid live with your new boyfriend so soon and you are worry about he says shit, it´s so ambiguous

  10. to my anonymous...this is all in good fun! just a funny story. no hurt feelings here. but you know what's really ambiguous? having a progressive stance on language for little ones, while chalking up people with tattoos and a committed live-in relationship as standard-less.


  11. Well anonymous can certainly dish out the judgements can't she/he.

    I think the teacher(and you) did the right thing. Even though common place, you can't have young children cursing like that at school or home.

  12. Anonymous..you are a coward!! If you truly believe what you are saying is right, there would be no need to hide. Maybe instead of spewing out your narrow minded opinions, your time would be better spent working on your grammar.
    I love you T!! I'm blessed to have you as my sister!!

  13. the sh#t is hitting the fan in here. haha.
    zing zing! a cha ha.

    love you girls!


  14. this is hilarious! i'm not one for bad language but i will admit to thinking that sh*# is kind of a funny word :) i totally would have busted up laughing if my child said it..

  15. ha ha that is so funny! i love the naughty word explanation to him and the way he should face his 'punishment'!!! poor max :(